Maybe I wasn't listening
Today is Friday and it's 6:30 PM here on the east coast. Usually, every weekend around this time, my ex drops off the kids so that she can go to work. This month M picks a movie for us to watch on Friday nights. But it's so quiet here, now. Why? MY kids are not here and they should be!!! So I called the ex's cell phone and left a message. Then I called her house, expecting to get the answering machine and instead she was there.
me: "Hi, where are you? Aren't you gonna drop off the kids?"
ex: "No, I got tonight off because of the birthday party tomorrow."
me: "I thought you were bringing the kids down tonight and that I was going to bring M and V to the party tomorrow."
ex: "I told you that was the plan if I wasn't able to get tonight off."
me: "Oh. I didn't know you were going to try and get tonight off."
ex: "I told you that I had tonight off and that I would bring the kids down tomorrow evening after the party, then I'll go to work."
me: "What time is the party?"
ex: "2-4 pm. It's M's school friend's party, remember?"
me: "Yes I remember that, but I don't think you told me about your night off and not bringing the kids down until tomorrow."
ex: "I did tell you."
me: "Ok then, I'll see you tomorrow around six."
ex: "Do you want to talk to the kids?"
me: "Sure! Absolutely!"
I swear to you that she never told me that she got tonight off. So when she and the kids didn't arrive when they normally do I was concerned. But she insists that she did. Maybe she did and I just wasn't listening. Maybe that's one of the reasons we're divorced. Because I heard her but never listened to her.
If that's the case, I'll have to do a better job listening in the next relationship I'm in.
posted by Tim @ 18:30
5 Comments:
Yes, listening is crucial in relationships. I think it is important for couples to learn to communicate in their own way, together.
Do you get the kids an extra day since she made these arragements?
Hope you are doing well. :0)
I learned the hard way about the importance of communication in a relationship.
Yes, I'll have the kids on Monday, since it's a holiday.
I am doing well. Thanks for asking!!
Maybe it's just a case of convenient memory on her part? ;o>
I know that in my relationship I often swear up and down that I said something only to realize that I THOUGHT I said it. It all comes from being a careful speaker... I think TOO much before I speak and then convince myself I said something I didn't say... See... I'm one of those that give the fairer sex a bad rap. Although, I SWEAR my husband does the same thing... REALLY!!
Some day I want to talk to you about what its like to be divorced for 20 years. I want to talk to you about how things really don't change and why at some point you realize, there IS a reason why you are and will stay in your corner and she will stay in her corner. Its complicated and it won't change, its sad because your children are the ones who bear the brunt of the non communitcation between you both. I can't even begin to tell you how important the next few years are green. Please email me when you get back from Texas. I will give you what I've learned and you can give me some direction on where to direct my anger and resentment, because I've decided I need to put that in the past, I just don't know how.
I'm with Sarafina...it's plausible ;)
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