Red Skelton on Marriage

As a divorcee, this made me laugh. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I am divorced... :>(

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere..... But she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. She said, "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands... If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".... So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "in the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days... Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

11. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

12. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

13. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.