Closure

So I've come to grips with the fact that my "woman" from Russia, whom ever she is, has been playing me for the sap all along. And I bit into it, hook, line and sinker. For two plus months I looked forward to speaking with her. Thought about her constantly. For what? Nothing. Even if I talk to her online again (highly doubtful) I can not believe anything she tells me. She now has zero credibility.

Surprisingly enough, I slept pretty well last night.

Sure, I am still emotionally scarred from this whole ordeal. But you know what? Even IF she could prove that this was an honest error, I could not beleive it. How can someone lie so skillfully for such a long time? And during our conversations she told me she was always being honest with me. I never lied to her once. Totally honest and straight forward all of the time, while she knew she was talking to me.

Admittedly the possibility of her not actually coming to visit and being whom she claimed to be was a small possibility in the back of my mind, which is why there were two occasions when I used a fake yahoo alias I had created for myself, posing as someone else. I did this specifically at times when we had arranged to speak. I wanted to try and see if I could catch her lying. But she passed both tests well enough. There was no way for her to find out that it was me she was talking to those times. I even lifted a few pictures of some guy from elsewhere online to use in the eventuality that she asked for a picture - which she did on the second conversation.

I was fully prepared to twist my life into knots in order to bring this person into my life, physically. But you know what? I'm better off not having to deal with her if she is such a skillful liar. Despite her pictures being unbelievably sexy, it is better for me to just put the whole episode behind me. Now I'm not even sure if the pictures she sent to me were what she actually looks like. Maybe, maybe not. Probably not. But I'll never know. It is easy to lift pictures off of the internet to use for whatever purpose. Heck, I just told you that I even did it.

When I called to speak with the x-wife, last night, I found out she was not at her parent's house but still at work. So the grandparents asked me if I wanted to talk to my kids. Yes I said. Of course. But when my son came on the line and I heard his beautiful voice, I lost it. I broke out in tears. I couldn't control myself. I couldn't even regain composure to speak with my daughter who could tell immediately that I was upset. So after work the ex came over for a few minutes and I asked her to apologize to my daughter for why I couldn't speak to her.

The fact that my family and friends are so concerned about my well being is the important thing. And I am truly thankful for that. Life goes on minus one potential big headache to deal with.