Returning the Favor

I saw this list on Kayla's blog a while ago and knew that I had to steal it to use here, on a night when I didn't feel like writing anything.

Performance Evaluations

These are actual quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations...

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
3. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
4. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
5. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
6. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
7. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
8. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
9. "He's been working with glue too much."
10. "He would argue with a signpost."
11. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
12. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
13. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
14. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
15. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
16. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
17. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
18. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
19. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
20. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
21. "One neuron short of a synapse."
22. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
23. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
24. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.